So, some more commentary on one of my favorite subjects: No longer being a real athlete, and (more importantly?) no longer being treated like a real athlete. Let's compare a couple of foot injuries.
Situation 1: Broken Ankle
After falling on black ice like the raging klutz that I am, I wait out the weekend before ending up at the trainers. Without even having a chance to shave my leg one last time, I am slapped with a cast and crutches and told I might need crazy surgery and will be out for at least 6 weeks of season. Tears ensue. A day later I see a (hot) orthopedist who also happens to be an ex-lacrosse player and intimately understands the burning desire to participate, at least in part, in my season. He says I definitely will not need surgery, takes my cast off in 3 weeks and allows me to start aerobic exercise before I can even walk properly (still in a boot). With 3 regattas left to go, I'm given the green light to row with a canvas brace. This man understood my priorities; this man worked to get me active.
Situation 2: Stress Fracture in Second Metatarsal
Titles aside (let's be honest, "stress fracture" sounds way more pussy than "broken"), this injury is not all that serious. It hurt at first and it's a pain in the ass (especially since I haven't ponied up for a gym membership yet) because you have to stay off it. So, my (not hot) podiatrist takes an ex-ray and CAN'T SEE ANYTHING (please, remember this for later). Now, for an abbreviated 'he said she said': He says, I think it's a stress fracture, but it could be tendinitis. Well, I say, I am climbing Kilimanjaro at the end of the month, so what can be done. And he says I don't think you can climb a mountain. And I say -- What if this were my job? What is possible? He says, Well, if it's your job, can't someone go in your place? (I start to get pissy). No, it's a start up company, no replacement. [pause] Isn't there anything that might enable me to do this? It's still 3 weeks away. And he goes: Well, if it was the Olympics and it was going to be another four years until you could do this again, then well...
(oh no you didn't)
Then tells me to go get an MRI (tears ensue, I had to skip the Phish concert). MRI, sadly, says I do in fact have a stress fracture. After my massive attitude problem of the day before, he ups the effort a little bit and gives me crutches to help keep the weight off, some creatively cut padding and a bone stimulator (use your imagination. okay, your imagination is wrong and dirty. it's sorta like ultrasound). Then I see him the next week and HE TAKES ANOTHER X-RAY. Guess what? It doesn't show anything. So he says come back on Tuesday (yesterday). And then (wait for it) HE TAKES ANOTHER X-RAY. Guess what? He claims it shows the bone healing. Just barely. What a crock of...
Anyway, then he puts a graphite in-sole in my hiking boot, charges me $135 dollars (Dear Socialized Health Care, I miss you. Love, Stef) and says "If you were doing 6 miles out and 6 miles back...or hiking a day and stopping then it would be okay. But 7 days...I don't think you should do it." Shut up! You just told me I could walk 12 miles and now you are saying I can't do it?
Today, I am allowed to wear my hiking boots instead of the boot (I look very styling. Think female Steve Irwin). So. I'm putting it to a vote. Can I climb this mountain? (note this is "can" not should. I know I shouldn't, please. But can I do it? Please note that the ugly podiatrist noted that it would be highly unlikely I would actually "break" it. Also note I have a high pain tolerance...I think.). Weigh in! My fate is in your hands.
Current score:
Do it: 5 (me, my friend's fiancee who is a recently crowned resident, someone who's climbed the mtn and calls it "easy", J, Clark)
Don't do it: 2 (podiatrist, dad)
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Do it! It's just a stress fracture. The worse case scenario is that it hurts like a bitch and requires more rest when you get back. Just take a lot of drugs with you. Once in a lifetime experience!
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